Red Velvet Cupcakes and the Midnight Disease

There is a thing called the Midnight Disease, which is basically the condition of writers’ insomnia. You may recognize this conceit from Michael Chabon’s Wonder Boys, and, in fact, for the last month or so since reading it (highly recommended), I thought Chabon came up with this ingenious turn of phrase himself. Then, one night a few weeks ago, while self-consciously suffering from the Midnight Disease myself, I went to the googles and found that not only did Edgar Allen Poe actually coin the term Midnight Disease way back when, but that it’s actually based on a real condition, hypergraphia (having an overwhelming desire to write).

Why am I writing about Midnight Disease when I should be writing about red velvet cupcakes? Probably because for the last week or so I’ve been suffering my own twist on Midnight Disease, 3-4 am disease, in which I go to bed at 11 or midnight, sleep perfectly soundly, and then wake up, utterly, utterly awake, at 3 or 4 am. Usually I lie in bed for an hour or two, mind racing, and somehow find myself groggily awaking again at 9…or 10…or 11. This is grad school, after all.

Today, however, I decided to embrace my sad, and hopefully temporary, lot in life, and after an hour of staring at the ceiling, simply got out of bed. And I drank a cup of tea and got a ton of work done and I’d like to say I had one of these for breakfast because that would be a nice narrative closure on why I brought the whole thing up in the first place, but I didn’t, I had Irish oatmeal with that good Grade B maple syrup and a couple of tangerines.

The only way I can even indirectly relate these cupcakes to my current affliction is that I made these for a birthday party this weekend (if you must know, it was mine), and I think said birthday party has exacerbated my 4 am disease all the more. And so I’ve been up reading and writing since 4 am today, and so you have to hear about the Midnight Disease instead of food.

But the food! I’d never made red velvet cupcakes before, but always held them up as probably the most delectable kind of cupcake. Why are they red? I don’t know. I’m sure the googles could tell me, but since the information is not coming up immediately, and I need to go back to bed extremely soon, we will leave that for another day. It doesn’t make sense, and in my current state of mind that makes me like it all the more. Actually, this article probably explains everything you ever wanted to know and more about red velvet, so I’ll just refer you there.

This recipe yields some really bright red cupcakes. Like, really bright red. Like, two ounces of red food coloring red. Like this red:

You will also be making some pretty ridiculously wonderful cream cheese frosting to go on top of these babies. if you ever want to guiltlessly, or maybe more accurately obliviously, enjoy cream cheese frosting again, you may not want to make it yourself. Spoiler alert. Who knew they put butter in cream cheese frosting? Like the cream cheese isn’t enough? There has to be butter, too? Well, apparently. And it’s amazing. I also recommend pink sprinkles.

These are best eaten in the company of friends and enough sleep, or alone when unable to sleep.

Red Velvet Cupcakes

Makes about 20 cupcakes

Adapted from Pinch My Salt

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups sifted cake flour*
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 oz. red food coloring (two bottles)
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk, at room temperature
1 teaspoon white vinegar
1 teaspoon baking soda

1. Preheat oven to 350º F. Line two 12-cup muffin tins with cupcake papers.

2. Sift together the cake flour, baking powder, and salt into a medium bowl; set aside.

3. In a small bowl, mix food coloring and cocoa powder to form a thin paste without lumps; set aside.

4. In a large bowl, using a hand mixer or stand mixer (or your clean hands, if you’re desperate like me), beat butter and sugar together until light and fluffy, about three minutes. Beat in eggs, one at a time, then beat in vanilla and the red cocoa paste, scraping down the bowl with a spatula as you go (use a whisk or a fork for this, and things should fluff up somewhat).

5. Add one third of the flour mixture to the butter mixture, beat well, then beat in half of the buttermilk. Beat in another third of flour mixture, then second half of buttermilk. End with the last third of the flour mixture, beat until well combined, making sure to scrape down the bowl with a spatula.

6. In a small bowl, mix vinegar and baking soda (it will fizz). Add vinegar mixture to the cake batter and stir well to combine.

7. Fill cupcake cups with cake batter (they should be 2/3 – 3/4 full). You may not fill all the cups, I ended up with 19 cupcakes, I think.

8. Place muffin tins on the middle rack of a preheated 350º F oven.  Bake for approximately 20-22 minutes, rotating pans halfway through. Cupcakes are done when a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

9. Cool cupcakes completely before frosting.  Frost cupcakes with cream cheese icing (recipe below) and decorate with sprinkles, if desired.

Cream Cheese Frosting

Unless you like a heap of frosting on your cupcakes, this will make slightly too much. Save the rest in the fridge and use on brownies later in the week.

Ingredients

16 oz. cream cheese (2 packages), softened
1/2 cup unsalted butter (one stick), softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar, sifted
pinch of salt

1. With an electric mixer (or your clean hands, again, natch), blend together cream cheese and butter until smooth. Turn mixer to low speed (or switch to a whisk or fork) and blend in powdered sugar, salt and vanilla extract. Turn mixer on high and beat until light and fluffy. Use immediately or refrigerate, covered, until ready to use. If refrigerated, the frosting will need to be brought to room temperature before using (after frosting softens up, beat with mixer until smooth).